Friday, August 8, 2014

Indigos in Love

The incoming Aquarian energies sparked an evolution in all walks of life. Our ideas about love and relationships were powerfully affected. If we look back to the sixties we see emerging then the ideals of freedom and love. It was a time of sexual liberation and relationship exploration. People made all sorts of experiments: twosomes, threesomes, orgies, communes, group marriages, partner swapping, extended families, and more. we "came out of the box", and in that moment of liberation, tried everything that came to mind. The traditional values of marriage, family, and kids were not satisfactory for many. Something else was calling.

The Seventies ans Eighties saw a further evolution in the emergence of new ideals of love and spirituality. The concepts of Tantra-the combination sexuality and meditation for reaching higher states of love and spirituality-entered public consciousness.

The Aquarian energies, stimulating new activity in the heart, third eye, and crown centers, are bringing a new sense of the potentials of love. On an immediate personal level it means that deep inside you have a feeling for what is possible in a relationship.

Whether you're coming from a negative or positive, you carry an ideal that you aspire toward. This kind of relationship calls to you. It is like a beacon pulling you upward. It's a standard against which you measure what is currently happening. Though our culture has no names or labels for this type of relating, and no names do it justice, we might call this form of relating "spiritual partnership"-a relationship that is based on a meeting of spirit and consciousness.

Spiritual Partnership

When we first met what we saw in the other (authors talking about themselves) was a depth of being. There was a sense of profound recognition-a soul recognition. We both knew each other. And not only was it a sense of recognition, but a sense of connection, as if there was a fundamental linking in out beings, in our Essence.

We both were in relationships at that time, so we didn't get involved on an outer level. Our coming together as partners took us 14 years. During that time we were friends. But there was something about that friendship. Whether we were together as lovers or not didn't seem to matter. What was important was the sense of someone special and magical-someone essential-in our lives. From the very beginning we could sense each other's soul: this bright, magical, immensely conscious spiritual being that was at each other's center.

This sense of seeing the essence is of particular importance to Indigos, because you won't be starry-eyed in love. You won't just see this "perfect being" with whom you'll live happily ever after. On the contrary, you'll be very aware of each other's personality. You'll be able to see ego, patterns, fears, wounds, and the so many other unenlightened things that make us human.

A Sense of Higher Purpose

Once we got together (authors talking about themselves), we had a feeling of a higher density, as if this had been meant all along. It felt as if on some inner dimension of life we had planned this. We see this so often for Indigos: an awareness of higher forces at work that are bringing you together-and bringing you together not only for your own love and well-being, but also for a spiritual purpose that is much greater than you. Of course part of that purpose is your own growth, but it is also for something more than just the two of you, as if together you create something larger-your contribution to the evolution of the whole.

We can say in our relationship that this sense of purpose is center point. Our lives revolve around it; our work revolves around it; everything we do revolves around it. The relationship is imbued with this higher meaning. This purpose is the real reason for our being together.

In looking back we could see that it was this sense of purpose that had been missing in our previous relationships. Though these relationships were beautiful, heartful, and caring, without it there had been a subtle feeling of emptiness. It was the missing ingredient for the deep fulfillment that we longed for. 

A Spiritual Journey Together

One of the ways that Indigos in relationships walk the path together is through your high sensitivity. You can immediately feel something is not right. You may not always be sure what it is, but it's as if you can feel the emotions and the energy of the other person, and you know when something is out of balance. In an Indigo relationship you can't get away with anything; the heightened awareness of each of you notices everything.

The result is that you're constantly mirroring each other. That's not always very pleasant! In fact, it's often downright difficult. When someone points out to you that your bravado is masking fear, or that you just went into insecurity, it can hurt.

But the immense value of this is that somebody really sees you. He or she sees your personality and your soul. He or she sees your wounds, your truth, and your magic even while seeing your patterns. For the first time in your life you0re not behind a mask. There's someone really present with you-someone who meets your essence.

This dropping of masks and becoming authentic is one of the greatest blessings of the journey of a spiritual relationship. You see each other as you are. The relationship is built in authenticity. This authenticity is continually deepening. We emphasize continually because it's not like you drop the masks and become authentic. Rather, it's an ongoing process as the many layers and parts that compose us gradually unfold over time. 

 Friends on the Path

The journey of a spiritual relationship is a path; you are walking a path of inner development together. One of the fundamentals of the path is that each of us is alone. That's because it's my unfoldment-my Essence that unfolds. Bit though each of us is on our own journey, it's certainly nice to have a friend to share the journey with.

In that sense a relationship is about being friends on the path. It's wonderful to have a friend to travel with on the spiritual journey-someone to share your innermost life with, to share your aloneness with, to support you to be authentically who you are, to mirror you, and to give encouragement when needed, and who above all else loves you and wants you to be all that you can be.

That's one of the things that make Indigo relationships so special: Indigos carry an innate sense-an ideal-that each person has such immense potential, and you really want the other to reach that potential. There's a place of empowered freedom in you that wants that same empowered freedom for the other.

Central to this dream of potential is freedom. Above all else Indigos want to be free. One part of you cannot be boxed or controlled, even for love. When we talk about freedom here we're not necessarily talking about sexual freedom (thought that may be at times a part of it). We are talking about the freedom to be yourself, the freedom to have your own mind and thoughts, and the freedom to find your own way and to be the conductor of your own life.

This leads to a unique challenge in Indigo relationships: You want to be free and at the same time you want to be together. What often comes up as we start moving in freedom is old insecurities. Though we may be Indigo in our essence, we still carry many old fears, patterns, and insecurities on the level of our personality. These parts of us don't want the other to explore too much. It's threatening.

But at the same time, our Indigo nature has a different spirit. There's courage and adventurousness, even with the risk that it might take the other away from you. This is an incredible process. You're not in the typical security of a relationship and marriage that's promised in the movies. But on the other hand, in that freedom and constant self-reflection and growth, there is a deep meeting. In this environment of empowerment and honesty love grows. Out of freedom come closeness and intimacy.

Indigos Are Challenged to Overcome Fear in Their Relationships

We have learned that it's not safe to reveal certain parts of ourselves to others because we might get rejected. We use an expression-"the uglies"-to represent all the parts or ourselves that we feel are wrong, or we're ashamed about and want to hide. For most of us revealing the uglies is frightening. It takes courage to open and let somebody in. It's a risk to say things or to even let ourselves feel certain things because they are outside the bandwidth of what is considered acceptable.

It continually surprises us that, the more we reveal the uglies, the more love flows. We expect to be judged and rejected by the other and instead are met with empathy, understanding, and intimacy. It has incredible to see that, when we drop our protection, get vulnerable, let our feelings out, and be authentic, the walls come down, intimacy opens, and love flows more than ever. Our mind thinks that if we are real we'll get rejected, and if we put up a "right face" we'll be accepted. This is one of the beautiful things  about inner work in a relationship: The relationship becomes a safe place to reveal yourself. It becomes a place where someone really sees you, touches you, reflects you back to you and helps you to grow. 

A Spirituality Hot Relationship

This authenticity and revealing create what we would call a "hot" relationship. We are talking about an  intensity and dynamism between two people, of communication, observation, exploration, openness, and challenge. It's a highly dynamic and interactive process.

What's more typical in relationships is for a person to get hurt and to withdraw. You may go sulk in your room, or withdraw and become distant. Perhaps you start punishing the other, subtly or not so subtly. Often this state can go on for an extended time.

In spiritual relationships you don't let these things go for very long; things come up, and you deal with them. You don't settle for less than the best in relating. And if things are not good, you do something about it. you don't want to go to sleep and start talking the other for granted or start living in a routine. Yow want to keep growing and to keep yourselves alive. This takes awareness. You have to stay alert, because there are parts in all of us that go to sleep and become complacent.  

Truth-Based Relating

Communication in spiritual partnership is invaluable. You talk about things. You look at things together and you verbally explore together. You learn to put into words things that are not always easy to say. 

For many of us (not me at all) it's not our nature to communicate about our feelings. (Though this is true for both men and women, it's particularly true for men.) We specially don't want to talk about difficult feelings-our insecurities, fears, pain or needs. But to be able to talk about them is of incredible value. This is usually not easy, both for the person who is sitting on his or her feelings or for the partner who is trying to draw the feelings out. In that moment the partner is challenging you, starting to mirror you back to yourself, to give you feedback. the partner is telling you that you are in a pattern, a wound, a trip of some sort-just the stuff we hate to hear. One part of us may start getting defensive. Yo may even go on the attack. But then you start looking anyway, and guess what?-the partner is right.

It's of value here to understand the difference between men and women regarding this. Women can generally take more honesty than men. consequently, women are often disappointed when they try to communicate with a man and the man shuts down, denies, or gets aggressive. Women then, out of their fear of aggression, lose clarity and go into their own emotional patterns. It takes a certain maturity for a woman to hold herself in these moments. She has to remain patient as the man goes through various stages of huffing and puffing, denying, threatening, or attacking, until he finally starts looking.

 Conscious Partnership

This brings us to the crux of Indigos in love, what we would call "conscious partnership." We earlier used "spiritual partnership" to describe Indigo relationships. We can also call it "conscious partnership" because of the importance of the word conscious. Conscious means alert, aware, and observant. In conscious partnership you are alert to the many subtle nuances of what goes on between you.

In a conscious partnership you learn tools to increase consciousness and to work with the things you become aware of. On the one side you learn to handle the things of the personality such as hurt, anger, ego, power, and needs. And on the other side, you learn the art of intimacy-way to open the heart, to meet the deeper parts of the other, to enhance each other's essence, and to meet as souls.

As an Indigo you are not going to be satisfied if the relationship is flat. You are not going to be happy if the relationship is so-called normal and day to day, where things are just content and secure. Some part of you will get restless. You want intensity, depth meeting, and meaning. You don't want superficial cocktail-party talk in your relationship. You want an authentic heart and soul connection. If that's not there, you will start rocking the boat. You'll do things to get that intensity. 

Holistic Relating

Part of that "more" that we are looking for in a relationship is embodied by the word holistic. By holistic we're referring to the whole of a person: his or her spirit, body, mind, and emotions.

We are wanting full.spectrum relating. For example, on a spiritual level we may seek uplifted moments (through meditating or praying, or simply taking a walk in nature together). On a dynamic level we may want high energy, movement, and intensity. Mentally we may want a stimulating exchange of ideas that challenge and expand our minds. Our sexuality might take the form of Tantra. This practice embraces body, mind, and spirit in a most direct and powerful way, bringing a whole new form of meeting through conscious sexuality. We're wanting a relationship that covers a wide gamut of experience, where we meet and exchange on many levels.

Ultimately, the challenge for Indigos in relationship is to embody an ideal of a complete meeting-a fuller bandwidth of what is possible between two people. This is what Indigos know is possible. This is what you aspire toward.

As Indigo Adults we have to learn to trust our vision, and to hold true to what we believe is possible. Even if we don't see it in the world around us, and even if we have not lived it yet ourselves, somewhere inside there is a knowing-a possibility-that call to us.  Our challenge is to pioneer a new way if living and relating. We have the gift and opportunity to embody a new paradigm of love and intimacy.

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